


Femented soya beans, lovely.

by haventacluewhatimdoing



Category: Ghosts (TV 2019)
Genre: Alison asks for help while cooking, Coming Out, Gen, Slice of Life, it doesn't go well, they watch friends too
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-20
Updated: 2020-10-20
Packaged: 2021-03-08 20:54:59
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 748
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27122818
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/haventacluewhatimdoing/pseuds/haventacluewhatimdoing
Summary: Alison was trying to cook dinner for herself and Mike, since they had finished stripping all the floorboards in the house.Idiotically, she'd asked the ghosts for help.
Relationships: Undertones of cap/pat
Comments: 16
Kudos: 56





	Femented soya beans, lovely.

**Author's Note:**

  * For [A Lady Does NOT Hold A Carrot Like That!!!](https://archiveofourown.org/gifts?recipient=A+Lady+Does+NOT+Hold+A+Carrot+Like+That%21%21%21).



> I don't know if the gifting thing has worked, but I wrote this for A Lady Does NOT Hold A Carrot Like That!!! I hope you enjoy :)
> 
> Not meant to be a captain/pat fic but my little heart can't seem to control itself so there we go.
> 
> As always, written on my phone so apologies for any errors.
> 
> Enjoy!

Alison was trying to cook dinner for herself and Mike, since they had finished stripping all the floorboards in the house.

Idiotically, she'd asked the ghosts for help.

"You can't serve your husband that!" Fanny shouted, pointing at a pepper on the table.  
"Why not? They're nice!"  
"Only peasants ate vegetables, " Humphrey commented from the other end of the table - well, his head at least. Nobody knew where his body had got to.  
"Chill, guys, I'm sure Alison knows what she's doing," Pat gestured for her to carry on.  
"If she be knowing thats she nay needs our helps." Mary pointed out. Alison sighed.

"Guys, I am cooking a stir fry. It's simple, it involves vegetables, now I just need you to read the instructions and say if I'm doing something wrong, okay?"  
"But..."  
"Something wrong according to the recipe, not you, Fanny."

It was all going relatively smoothly until Thomas asked,  
"And what is this 'soy sauce' that it talks about?" Alison groaned.  
"It's a condiment. It originated in China - that's a country, Kitty."  
"And what be in this sauce?" Mary asked. Alison pondered for a moment, before replying,  
"Honestly, I don't know. Let's have a look." She wandered over to the bottle and looked at the ingredients.  
"Femented soya beans, lovely." She answered. Most of the ghosts pulled a face.  
"Well, it tastes nice, so..." Alison poured a generous amount into the pan, before turning round.

"I assume that none of you have ever had it?" They all nodded, apart from Julian.  
"Ate out in London once, Chinese restaurant, lovely food. What happened afterwards was even better..."  
"Okay, don't want to know." Alison pulled a face and served the stir fry into two bowls.  
"Right, I'm going to go and eat with my husband. Could you give us just a little bit of peace and quiet?" Pat gave a thumbs up and ushered the ghosts into the main room.

"Mmm, this is good." Mike mumbled through a mouth of food.  
"No thanks to the ghosts. I don't know why I asked for their help, really." Alison rolled her eyes and tucked into her dinner.

Later, all of the ghosts were watching Friends in the TV room along with Alison.  
"I wish I could cook like Monica," Alison muttered to herself. Only Pat heard her.  
"You cook just fine. I mean, it's edible, which is more than I can say for my camp food." He chuckled, and Alison cracked a smile before returning her eyes to the screen.

About 20 minutes later, all the ghosts were debating who they'd be out of the characters.  
"Lady Button is definitely Monica," Kitty commented, to which everyone murmured their agreement.  
"Julian do be Joey," Mary added.  
"And the Captain's Ross," Kitty said, to which the Captain objected.  
"What? No! I'm clearly Chandler." Alison snorted.  
"And what's so funny about that, young lady?" The Captain waved his swagger stick at her.  
"Nothing, nothing," Alison giggled.  
"No, go on."  
"Well, it's just... Chandler is clearly gay." The room went silent. Everyone stared at the Captain, whose internal conflict was showing across his face.

After what seemed like a very long time, the Captain shrugged.  
"Another reason why I'm not Ross, then." All the ghosts looked at each other, but the Captain was firmly staring at the screen.  
"Just... excuse us a moment please Cap." Pat touched his arm before ushering the ghosts out of the TV room.

"Now, if any of you even think about saying a rude word to him, you'll have me to answer to." Pat shook his hand at all of the ghosts respectively. "It is a massive thing he has just told us, and anything apart from acceptance is not okay. You hear me?" All the ghosts nodded.

They wandered back into the TV room to find Ross, Chandler and Joey as an armadillo, Santa and Superman respectively.  
"Cap..." Pat started tentatively.  
"No need, Patrick. I heard." The Captain nodded curtly, not looking away from the screen.  
"Ah."

~☆~☆~☆~ 

The disk had finished, so all the ghosts starting heading to their rooms. The only ones left were Captain, Pat and Alison.  
"Right, I'd better be off. Gotta get up tomorrow." Alison smiled and bid them a goodnight. Pat didn't want to leave the Captain on his own, so didn't move.

"Thank you," the Captain whispered softly, turning to face Pat, taking one of his hands in his. Pat smiled gently and leaned his head on the Captain's shoulder.

"Anytime."

**Author's Note:**

> I was watching friends while writing that bit - the episode I'm referencing is s7ep10, in case anyone was wondering.
> 
> I was going to write 'Pat patted his arm' but that sounded weird 😂


End file.
